Yumeno Kyusaku
by FluffPuffCat
Summary: Q wakes up in the aftermath of the battle with the Guild and has a talk with Atsushi.
1. Chapter 1

Q opened up his eyes. He could only feel the unbearable pain that had been consuming his body. All he felt were vague memories of being tied up in tree roots. Every bone in his body had felt as if they were being crushed by those roots. He couldn't escape, no matter how much he struggled. Someone had kidnapped him and pinned him there. They had wanted him to feel pain, all so that his ability, Dogra Magra, could be used. They had made him suffer endlessly.

He hated his ability. Because he possessed that power, he had been sealed away in a dark room for most of his life. All he had in that room was a few toys to play with. It was boring, but livable. Then, when they finally released him, they taped razor blades to his arms. He was constantly in pain, but he had been able to walk freely around the city until some scary man kidnapped him. After that, there was only pain. He couldn't remember anything but the feeling of slowly being crushed.

Where was he now?

When Q tried to move his arms and legs, he discovered that he still couldn't. The agony of being squeezed by tree roots was gone. However, pain still coursed through his arms where the razors had cut. He glanced at his body and saw that he was being tied up in ropes. It could be considered an improvement. He wasn't in endless torment anymore, but the slightest movement caused the ropes to dig into his wounds, resulting in a searing pain.

He wished he could be free. He wouldn't even mind being taken back to his old small, dark room, where the only thing he had to play with was his doll and some toy figures. At least there, he wasn't tied up and in pain all the time.

That reminded him. His Dogra Magra doll. He needed to find another one.

Q looked around. The room was too dark for him to see what was in it. However, it appeared to be empty. He was lying on a cold, hard stone floor. No one was here.

He didn't know what had happened to him. Was he still kidnapped? Were those men who wanted to use his powers still here, waiting for him to awake so that they could inflict a new torture upon him? Q lifted his head up and glanced around frantically, before lying back down, defeated. He hated being trapped like this. His mind was already reeling from thinking about the pain that was going to be in store for him. It was all because of his ability. All because of his stupid, evil, mind controlling ability that people feared so much. Everyone only thought about how they could use him. No one ever loved him, or looked at him as anything other than a tool.

All he wanted was to live like a normal child. To grow up into a normal person. But his ability deprived him of that. It made him too dangerous.

But, secretly, he also enjoyed the power over others that his ability gave him. A part of him liked seeing people lose their minds and succumb to his mind control. It was fun to see people hallucinate and go crazy!

Q heard footsteps approaching. Then, the sound of a door opening. Light flooded the room. Q blinked several times to clear his eyes, which were stinging from the bright glare. A familiar figure appeared in front of him. Dazai.

"You're finally awake," Dazai said. His eyes revealed no emotion. In fact, his face was a complete mask. Q hated the face. He hated Dazai so much. What wouldn't he give to have Dazai succumb to Dogra Magra?

"Where am I?" Q asked in a panicked voice.

"At the Detective Agency," Dazai answered. "We took you back from the Guild. The Guild has fallen, thanks to Atsushi. But we haven't figured out what to do with you yet."

"Untie me," Q ordered.

"Unfortunately, I can't do that." Dazai's voice grew cold. "Your ability is too problematic. Frankly, I don't know what to do with you. I could return you to the mafia. In fact, that's probably the best and simplest solution. However, I'm not exactly on friendly terms with the mafia, so it won't be easy to carry you back to their headquarters. Also, one of my subordinates has suggested that we try something else instead."

Q looked behind Dazai and saw a second face. It was Atsushi, the young man with the odd haircut and bizarre purple-and-yellow pupils. Actually, it wasn't much weirder than how Q looked himself. Q's pupils were the shape of a star and an ellipse, and his own hair was divided into two different colours.

"You're the man I bumped into," Q said. A smile came upon his lips. "And I cursed you and made you attack your friends."

Atsushi said nothing.

"Well, he's yours to deal with," Dazai said, waving a hand at Atsushi before turning around to leave the room. "Try your best. I doubt you'll get very far, though."

Dazai left the room and shut the door.

For a while, Atsushi stared at Q, saying nothing. Q stared back, defiant. He knew that he was in no position to be making any threats. He didn't even have his doll with him, so Dogra Magra wouldn't work. Lying down on the floor and tied up, he was completely at Atsushi's mercy.

"How are you feeling?" Atsushi said at last.

Q was surprised. "Can't you see how uncomfortable I am? Untie me."

To Q's surprise, Atsushi bent down and began untying the rope around Q's legs. Once the ropes there were free, Q moved his legs around, relishing in the feeling of free movement. Atsushi moved up and began untying Q's arms.

"So, what are you going to do to me after you untie me?" Q asked. "Beat me up as revenge for taking over your mind?"

Again, Atsushi remained silent. When Q's hands were free, Q sat up and stretched out his arms. A grin came over his face. He had to find a Dogra Magra doll. He could purposefully bump into Atsushi and tear the scars on his arms, marking Atsushi as someone who "hurt" him. Then he could rip the doll apart, and Atsushi could go on a rampage in the Agency. That would be fun to watch!

But, somehow, the expression on Atsushi's face made Q reluctant to act in that manner. Atsushi was serious, but he also looked sympathetic. Q couldn't help but wonder why someone whose mind he had controlled would feel sympathetic towards him.

"Dazai put himself in a lot of danger to rescue you from the Guild," Atsushi spoke up. "You should be thankful that he did. Otherwise, you'd still be trapped in those trees."

The memory of that made Q shudder. But he wasn't exactly feeling ready to express gratitude for Dazai. It was Dazai who suggested to have him locked up back when Dazai was still in the mafia.

"So, what?" Q replied, staring hard at Atsushi. "What'd he bring me back to the Agency for? Does he want to torture me more? Am I going to be used again?"

Atsushi shook his head. "No. Dazai doesn't know what to do with you. We're not like the Guild or the mafia. We don't want to hurt you. I'm here to help you, actually."

"Help me? You think I need help?" Q opened his mouth and laughed.

The expression on Atsushi's face grew stern. However, he never revealed a hint of anger. Q was surprised at how much restraint Atsushi was showing.

"Dazai told me about your history," Atsushi said. "You were sealed up for many years because they deemed your ability too dangerous. Then, they tried to use you to defeat us by slashing your arms with razors so that you could activate your ability. After that, the Guild used you to try to take down our city, and they subjected you to extreme pain." As he spoke, Atsushi's voice grew choked, almost as if he could feel the pain himself. "That's a kind of torment that nobody should have to suffer through."

Q didn't know how to respond. Someone was actually showing sympathy for him. Someone who had experienced the horror of their mind being controlled by Dogra Magra! It was unbelievable. No one in the world could have so much compassion.

So, Q just stared blankly at Atsushi without replying.

"I want to make things better for you," Atsushi said, a sliver of a smile appearing on his face. "I can't change what happened to you. But I can try to understand your feelings."

"Understand me?" Q turned away to hide a mischievous smirk. How gullible could this man be? Nobody could understand him. He couldn't even understand himself.

"You probably feel really sore," Atsushi said. "Come on. Why don't we go for a walk outside?"

"Outside? You mean, outside the agency?"

"Yeah."

Q turned away again. He was about to start thinking of ways to dupe Atsushi and run away as soon as they were outside when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. A burning pain shot through his body and he winced. Atsushi lifted his hand, noticing Q's reaction.

"Sorry," Atsushi said, backing away. "I should've remembered that you had wounds there."

It came to Q that Atsushi had just been 'marked', because he had hurt him. Now, all he needed to do was find a Dogra Magra doll and tear it apart.

As if Atsushi had read his mind, Atsushi said: "You're thinking of using your ability on me, aren't you?"

Q sneered. "And what if I am?"

With a sigh, Atsushi stood up. "I've been assigned the task of keeping watch over you. The other members of the Agency are aware that I could become marked. My job is to make sure that you don't get access to your doll. If I fail and go mad, they're ready to restrain me, and Dazai will find your doll so he can negate your ability. I can't guarantee you'll get any second chances after that, though."

"You're rather open about this," Q said. "Aren't you afraid of me at all?"

"To be honest, I am. But I still want to help you."

Q looked up and down Atsushi. He still couldn't understand him. Could there really be someone in the world so sympathetic and forgiving?

"So, want to go on a walk with me?"

"Fine," Q said, after a moment's pause. What could he lose? After all, he was itching to find an opportunity to escape.

"Okay. I'll have to hold your hand, though. Your hands aren't hurt, are they?"

Q shook his head. He took Atsushi's hand. Atsushi nodded, smiling, and led him towards the door.

They walked up stairs leading them out of the basement. On the main floor, sunlight streamed into the room through the windows. The air had a musty smell, as if the building was old. Standing in front of them were two members of the Agency. One was Dazai. The other was a serious-looking man with glasses who was holding a book in his hand.

Neither of them said anything as Atsushi took Q to the front door. But Q could feel their stares burning into him. He had the feeling that they were conducting a serious operation and would be ready to pounce at any moment if something went wrong. Q's heart sank. Under these conditions, it wasn't going to be easy to escape. Maybe there were other Agency members, or even members of the Mafia, waiting for him outside. Watching his every move.

Who knows where he'd even be able to find another Dogra Magra doll? The mafia used to have a stash of them around. But, now that the Agency has taken him, they've probably disposed of that stash. He'd need to make a new Dogra Magra doll by himself. That wasn't going to be simple at all.

Once they stepped out of the door, Q paused and looked up at the sky. It was clear and blue, with only a few clouds. The air was warm, and there was a cool ocean breeze. The time of day was two in the afternoon. There were people walking all around him. Q wanted to let go of Atsushi's hand and run far, far away. He wanted to explore the city by himself. That way, he could be free to do whatever he wanted. Even though Atsushi was taking him out on a walk, it was more akin to a prisoner being let out for a few hours than a prisoner being set free.

At least the mafia had let him go out and do whatever he wanted. If only he hadn't bumped into that scary, tentacled man! Who knows where he would be now if he hadn't been kidnapped?

"Q," Atsushi said, pulling gently at his hand. "Let's go."

"Okay," Q replied flatly.


	2. Chapter 2

They started walking around the neighbourhood block. Q looked at everything around him: the people, the cars, the stores, the birds flying by from roof to roof. Because he had spent most of his life being sealed up in a room, Q had always been fascinated by the outdoors. He was fascinated by how so many people were around, free to walk anywhere that they wanted. He liked feeling the wind against his face. He liked walking over bridges, where he could look down at the flowing water. He had always wondered how it would feel to throw himself over the edge and be carried away by the current.

But, most of all, he liked using his ability on people. Large crowds of people. He liked seeing all of them go mad when he ripped apart his doll. There was no greater pleasure than watching once indifferent people tear each others' throats apart. It was like unleashing chaos upon the world. A special form of chaos where he was the mastermind, and the only one free from mind control. The sole beacon of order.

"How about we head to the park?" Atsushi asked, interrupting Q out of his thoughts.

"Okay."

"By the way, your real name's Yumeno Kyusaku, isn't it?"

Hearing that name surprised Q. He couldn't remember the last time that someone called him that. It had always been easier for everyone to just say 'Q', which sounded like the 'kyu' in 'Kyusaku'.

"...Right," Q said. "What about it?"

"I was just thinking. Maybe I should call you by your real name."

"It doesn't matter. You can call me Q or Kyusaku or whatever you want. Q is shorter and simpler. I don't really care."

"Okay. Q it is, then."

"Are you trying to make friends with me?"

Atsushi's smile dropped into an expression of embarrassment. "Well, I suppose that's one way to put it. But it wasn't really what I had in mind."

"So..."

They had walked to the city park. Atsushi pointed in the direction of the park entrance with his free hand in a blatant attempt to change the subject. "How about we go into the park?"

"I guess."

While the city streets were bustling and lively with people rushing to places, the park was lively in a different way. The people here were all trying to enjoy themselves. There were couples taking a stroll. Children playing in the green fields. Vendors were selling ice cream, and there were large queues in front of their stalls. Q thought that this was the perfect place for him to make his escape. He could hide amongst the trees, or run into the bushes. All he had to do for the time being was pretend that he was still interested in walking with Atsushi, then make a break for it.

"Want some ice cream?" Atsushi asked, pointing to a vendor.

"Yeah. I suppose I feel a little hungry."

"That's right. You haven't eaten for a couple of days. You must be starving!"

Q felt Atsushi pulling his hand. He hurried after him and joined the back of the queue. When they reached the front, Q looked at the flavours on the menu and decided to get an ice cream which had roasted brown sugar, his favourite food. Atsushi got a green tea flavoured cone for himself.

"Thanks for the ice cream," Q said. He discovered that he was actually quite hungry. The cone tasted delicious.

As they continued walking through the park, Q realized that he had made a mistake by allowing Atsushi to buy ice cream for him. He wouldn't be able to run away while holding this cone. Of course, he could always throw it out, or just drop it as he made his escape. But he really was hungry, and the ice cream tasted so good. Maybe he could just wolf it down quickly. However, that put him at risk of getting brain freeze.

Either way, he was stuck with Atsushi for a while.

"I have a question for you," Atsushi said. His tone had suddenly grown serious. "Do you enjoy using your ability on people, Q?"

Q looked up into Atsushi's strangely coloured eyes. "What would you do if I told you yes?"

A few seconds passed before Atsushi replied. "That's a problem. But I understand that it isn't your fault. You didn't choose to be born with your ability. But because you have this power..."

Atsushi stopped walking.

"What's wrong?" Q asked.

"Even if you enjoy using your ability on others, do you sometimes wish that you didn't have this power?"

Q looked away. "Maybe."

"It was because of your power that the Guild kidnapped you. They used your ability to get everyone in the city to turn against each other. If it wasn't for Dazai, the city might've ended up in ruins." Atsushi looked directly at Q. "Sorry if I'm presuming too much, but I'd guess that a lot of people must have tried to use your power to serve their own purposes."

Q remained silent.

"To be raised like that...to be used as a tool. It must've been tough. That's why I want things to be better for you."

"The mafia kept me sealed in a room, and only released me when they needed my power," Q whispered. "As you already know, they attached razors to my wrists and made me 'bump' into people that they wanted to manipulate. No one would suspect that they'd lose their minds after bumping into a harmless little boy. In a way, I was their ultimate weapon."

Atsushi's grip on Q's hand tightened. "I'm sorry."

Q smirked. "What are you sorry for, Atsushi? Manipulating people is fun! Didn't I tell you? I love using my ability on people!"

Something flashed in Atsushi's eyes. Q didn't see clearly what it was, but he had a feeling it was a flash of anger. Or was it sadness? He really couldn't tell. The emotion had disappeared from Atsushi's eyes as quickly as it had appeared.

"You didn't mind being hurt?" Atsushi asked. "You didn't care that they sliced your skin with razors?"

Q opened his mouth, but he wasn't exactly sure what to say.

The truth was, he did mind. He hated how the mafia had hurt him, and forced him to hurt himself more just to be able to use his powers. But, over the years, he started to stop caring. He started to enjoy being hurt. He would even say that he hated himself and wanted himself to get hurt. If it could let him unleash chaos on other peoples' minds, any pain was bearable.

No, that wasn't true. He hated himself, but he didn't truly think that. So what did he think?

Sensing Q's silence, Atsushi sighed. "Sorry. Let's just keep walking."

The urge to escape had become strangely diminished. Q still wanted freedom, but for some reason, he didn't want to run away, either. He just couldn't make up his mind. It was like there were two trains of thought in his own head. Two different personalities, each trying to fight for control. Yet neither side would give away to the other. It was an eternal battle.

It had always been like this, for as long as Q could remember. Pain and joy. Chaos and order. His mind had to have both. He never could be content without pain, without chaos, without the fulfilment of seeing others' minds ruined by his ability.

The wind blew, gently rustling the leaves of the trees in the park.

Both of them had finished their cones by the time they left the park. However, Q was still hungry. He tried to hide it, but Atsushi was somehow able to see through his mask with a single glance.

"You're still hungry, aren't you?" Atsushi asked. "Let's go find someplace to eat before we head back."

"Okay."

After exploring the neighbourhood for a while, they settled on a ramen place. They went inside and ordered two bowls. Atsushi also added an extra order for chazuke – green tea over cooked rice.

When it arrived, Q was so hungry that he dug into his bowl right away.

"You remind me of myself when Dazai took me out to eat after we had met," Atsushi said, smiling at Q. "I was starving. I ate like that too."

Q felt a little embarrassed. "Dazai took you out to eat?"

"Yeah. I was so hungry that I was about to die. Then I saw Dazai floating in the river, and I pulled him out. That moment changed my entire life."

"Why would someone like Dazai treat you to a meal?"

"I don't really know. Even now, I wonder why he chose to help me on that day. But if he didn't, I'd probably be dead. So I have nothing but gratitude for him. I think, deep down, Dazai has a good heart."

Q laughed, almost choking on his food. "When Dazai was in the mafia, he was the one who suggested to seal me up because of my power."

"I know. Dazai told me that."

"He did?"

"Yeah. He's done lots of things that he regrets. But I also know that people can change. And maybe the Dazai that saved me was a very different person from the Dazai back in the mafia."

"I still don't like him."

"He saved your life too, you know. And, against the rest of the Agency's wishes, he let me try and talk to you."

Q made an annoyed face. "Why bother, though? I still don't understand why you want to help me so much."

"Q, I want to-"

"Your mind was taken over by my ability. Don't you remember how that felt? Don't you feel any animosity towards me for it? Why help me when you could just kill me instead?"

Atsushi said nothing. He looked down at his lap, then turned to face Q again. Slowly, the expression on Atsushi's face changed. To Q's astonishment, Atsushi's eyes were full of sympathy.

"I don't understand," Q repeated. "I don't understand you at all."

"I once met someone like you," Atsushi whispered. "Someone who was only useful to the mafia for her ability. She was trained as a tool, and taught that she had no worth other than her ability to kill. But, in her heart, she didn't want to kill anyone at all." Atsushi's voice shook. "She hated herself. She didn't believe that her life was worth living at all."

After taking a deep breath, Atsushi became composed again. His expression softened, and he looked at Q with bright, almost teary eyes.

In a way, those eyes seemed the exact opposite of Q's own eyes. They were deep and vibrant. Full of inner spirit.

"I think it's hard to live, and be happy, when people tell you that you don't have any worth," Atsushi said. "That you don't deserve to be happy. I think, sometimes, we just need to hear the words. The words that say: 'you are worth something.' Even if you don't believe it, just hearing someone say it can change your life. It could give you the strength to go on living."

Q blinked. He didn't understand how to feel about those words.

The first thought in his mind was to burst out laughing. What need did he have for all this sentimental trash?

The other thought was to empathize. It was to feel gratitude.

Caught between these two thoughts, Q found himself becoming silent again. He really didn't know what he should say. His mind went completely blank.

"Again, I'm sorry for presuming so much," Atsushi said. "I didn't mean to say that I understand your feelings. But, if you ever want to, you can talk to me about your problems. I'll listen to them."

Atsushi went back to eating his ramen and chazuke. Without saying anything, Q went back to his own food as well.

After paying the bill, the two of them got up and left the store.

Q realized that Atsushi was no longer holding his hand.

"You aren't holding my hand anymore," Q said. "You know, I could just run away right now."

"I know." Atsushi smiled. "I'd chase you, of course. But I trust you, too."

Q lowered his face. "So, what's going to happen to me after we get back to the Agency?"

"Dazai and the others want to continue monitoring you. So you'll have to go back to the basement again. I have to leave for a while to go on another mission. But, as soon as I get back, you can talk to me again if you need to."

"I see."

Q couldn't believe himself when they arrived back at the Agency. He had had so many opportunities to run away. At the park, at the ramen store, and on the way back, when Atsushi no longer held his hand. So, why didn't he run away? What was stopping him?

It was too late now. He could feel the glares of Dazai and the man with the glasses beating down on him as he reentered the building. The feeling of being trapped and sealed away returned when he went down into the basement.

"Q. I'll be your friend."

Those were Atsushi's last words to him before he left and closed the door.

Q sat down, being careful not to graze the scars on his arms against the floor. Here he was again. Alone. It was an all too familiar feeling. So familiar that it was almost comforting.

Yet, there was another feeling within him now.

Deep down, inside his heart, something felt different. Q closed his eyes, but he could still see them. Those purple-and-yellow eyes, shining full of sympathy. And the more he focused on those eyes, the more they seemed to reach out to him. They reached across the massive chasm that was his mind, a chasm made of contradictions, of chaotic thoughts, and of unspoken feelings. There was a futile longing inside that chasm, a hopeless wish that he was never born with his ability, that he could grow up like a normal child. A child who knew freedom and was free from suffering.

Q blinked, and saw Atsushi's eyes again.

He realized that he had never felt so lonely.


	3. Chapter 3

Atsushi visited Q every day.

At first, Q found the visits annoying and awkward. Atsushi would ask him how he was feeling, and Q would always say that he didn't feel anything. This wasn't true, of course. Imprisoned in the basement of the Agency, Q felt lonely and deprived. Specifically, he was deprived of the freedom to go around and manipulate people to his heart's content. Nothing made Q happier than seeing people go crazy because of his ability.

But Q was used to being deprived of his happiness. His situation now was barely any different from back when he was sealed up in a room by the mafia. In fact, the loneliness and solitude was almost comforting. It meant that the only company he had were his own thoughts. That gave him complete control over the tiny little universe formed by himself and the room's walls.

Yes, maybe his thoughts were chaotic. Maybe they sometimes didn't make any sense. But that was what made it so fun to be alone! Unlike most people, Q couldn't predict exactly what he was going to think of next. His next thought could have a new personality of its own. There could be so many different personalities going on in his head, it was just like a party. A party full of unique, interesting, and special little individuals that cheered him up with the sheer variety of their behaviour.

When Atsushi came to talk with Q, these thoughts seemed to go away. They didn't disappear completely, but rather faded into the background. As if Atsushi's presence somehow made all these personalities inside him feel diminished. Because of that, Q didn't know what to say whenever Atsushi asked him how he was feeling. Just by being there, Atsushi made him feel like he was a totally different person, with totally different thoughts, than who he was when he was alone.

That was frightening. But, in its own way, it was also reassuring. Q didn't know why, but he gradually found himself looking forward to Atsushi's visits every day. Atsushi could always ease his loneliness and make him feel as if he was just one person, and not a host of thoughts all having a party at once inside his fragmented mind.

Also, Atsushi brought him food. As much as he hated himself, Q didn't want to starve. Food was always welcome. And, sometimes, Atsushi also took him out to eat.

Soon, Q got to know all of the different restaurants in the neighbourhood around the Agency building. He liked all of the little sugar cafes, where he could have as much brown sugar ice cream as he wanted. There were also lots of good ramen chains, sushi parlours, and rice bowl shops. Back when he was in the mafia, they had never given him much choice in what food he was going to eat. Being able to explore different restaurants with Atsushi opened his eyes to all the wonderful food that existed in the world.

He started to learn about Atsushi and the Agency, too. While they ate, Atsushi would often tell Q about the things that he did during his missions. Of course, many of those missions were also top secret, so Q never learned the full details. Nevertheless, Atsushi tried to make his stories entertaining.

Kunikida, the man with the book and the glasses, had to deal with a bomber who spent years setting up an elaborate trap for him. The bomber's goal had been to challenge Kunikida's ideal of never letting any person die in front of him, but Kunikida was able to come up with a plan and save the bomber's hostage before she was blown to pieces. Later, Atsushi and Kunikida went out to help a hacker, Katai, deliver a confession to a girl that Katai had a crush on. A series of mishaps later, the girl turned out to be Gin from the mafia, whom they discovered was also Akutagawa's sister, and now Katai was working for them to help find the person who hacked the Moby Dick's control terminal.

Q couldn't help but wonder about how the mafia was doing now. Were they trying to find a way to get him back? Perhaps they were already negotiating his return with the Agency. Atsushi never mentioned anything like that, but Q couldn't rule out the possibility. After all, aside from Atsushi, no one in the Agency seemed to like him. Every time he walked through the halls of the Agency, he could feel the stares of every Agency employee weighing down upon him. Especially Dazai's. It didn't make sense for the Agency to keep him around any longer that they needed to.

But, when he thought about it, Q realized that going back to the mafia would be a downgrade for him. As much as he tried to believe that his situation now was no different than back then, Q couldn't admit that he would feel happy not being able to see Atsushi anymore. Atsushi's visits had become a part of his daily schedule. He discovered that he woke up every day looking forward to seeing Atsushi and eating out with him. Furthermore, Atsushi was the only person who had ever cared about him in his entire life.

Not receiving daily visits from Atsushi anymore, not being able to eat all the food that Atsushi treated him to, and worst of all, not having someone around who cared about him – could he really feel happy again, returning to a dark room with no one to keep him company but the myriad personalities in his own mind?

There was one more thing.

Q had met Kyouka.

* * *

Fukuzawa Yukichi came down with Atsushi to visit Q one day. Q greeted Atsushi as he usually did: with a big, if somewhat exaggerated smile, and a "Hello! Where are we going to eat today?" but he stopped mid-sentence when he saw the president of the Agency standing beside Atsushi.

Unlike Atsushi, Fukuzawa's eyes were haughty and distant. Looking into them, Q felt a sense of reserved power. They were very much like Dazai's eyes. Q felt himself shrinking in front of Fukuzawa, and almost backed away when Fukuzawa began to walk towards him.

"Q, don't be afraid," Atsushi said in his kind, soft voice. He beckoned for Q to come towards him. "Our boss just wants to have a talk with you."

Somehow, Q had the feeling that Fukuzawa was here for more than a talk. Those eyes meant business. Was he here to bring him back to the mafia?

Q stepped towards Fukuzawa, but maintained a distance of a few steps away from him.

"Yumeno Kyusaku," Fukuzawa spoke up in his deep, calm voice. "A month has passed since Atsushi started visiting you every day. Atsushi tells me that you've been improving. You've grown more sociable, more sympathetic, and more honest. And Atsushi says that you enjoy his daily visits, especially when he takes you out to eat."

The way that Fukuzawa spoke, Q couldn't tell if Fukuzawa was speaking genuinely or if there were hidden layers of meanings behind his words. Feeling confused and a little bit frightened, Q kept silent and refrained from showing any emotion.

"I'll be frank," Fukuzawa said. "Atsushi would rather keep you here at the Agency than kick you out or return you to the mafia. He says that you should be allowed to wander out freely, as long as you don't try to leave the city or defect to another organization." He crossed his arms. "Given your history, I think that that's a rather unreasonable request."

"Q deserves freedom, at least," Atsushi said, bowing his head. Compared to Fukuzawa's voice, Atsushi sounded meek. "Please, give him a chance."

Fukuzawa's eyes revealed no hint of sympathy.

"The only way we can truly keep you at the Agency is if you become an employee," Fukuzawa said. "To become an employee, you must pass an exam."

"What kind of exam?" Q asked.

"You won't know until you've either passed or failed," Fukuzawa answered. He stepped towards Q, towering over him. "However, administering this exam is costly and requires a lot of preparation. I will only offer the exam to someone whom I deem can make a contribution to the Agency. That means the candidate must at least display some semblance of compassion and sanity."

Those last few words, 'compassion' and 'sanity', made Q feel as if Fukuzawa was already judging him. Under the burning weight of those eyes, Q felt as if he had already failed.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Fukuzawa asked.

"I...I don't know," Q replied. "I'd like to stay at the Agency, but I'm not sure if I can help the organization. Would you let me use my ability on people?"

"If there's a situation where it would be useful, then yes. However, your ability is a rather heinous thing. Mind control isn't something we openly wish to inflict upon others."

Fukuzawa turned his back to Q. "You enjoy using your abilities on others, don't you, Q?"

Q wondered if that question was part of the Agency's entrance test. He could lie and say no. However, his behaviour in the past certainly indicated otherwise. Moreover, Q knew that Fukuzawa wouldn't believe him. Q couldn't quite understand why, but, listening to Fukuzawa speak, he was reminded of the head of the Port Mafia, Mori Ougai. Both had a certain air of omniscience around them. They seemed all-knowing to the point of being able to read minds.

In addition, Q didn't want to lie – not in front of Atsushi. He looked at Atsushi's eyes and felt softened by their gaze. At that moment, all Q wanted was to be alone with Atsushi so that they could go back to talking as usual. He didn't want Fukuzawa to be around any longer.

"Yes," Q muttered at last.

Atsushi's eyes became sad.

"As I expected," Fukuzawa said. He began walking away from Q. "Well, Atsushi. I'm about done my evaluation here. Q isn't the type of person the Agency wants. He's too young, and he doesn't have the emotional maturity or mental stability to work for us."

"But he's not much younger than Kyouka!" Atsushi protested.

"Kyouka is very different from Q," Fukuzawa replied. "But, don't take my words to mean that I can never accept Q. I'm not entirely unsympathetic to him. Q was raised as a tool of destruction by the mafia, just like Kyouka was. In character, however, they are worlds apart."

As Fukuzawa ascended the stairs, he turned his head slightly to glance at Q one last time. "Perhaps there might still be humanity left in you."

Once Fukuzawa had left, Atsushi walked towards Q and looked at him sadly.

"Are they going to kick me out of the Agency?" Q asked.

"I hope not," Atsushi replied. "If they do, I'll protest it. I won't let them turn you back to the mafia. After seeing what they did to Kyouka, and what they've done to you – I can't let them control you again."

"Thanks," Q said. He sounded a bit void of emotion, perhaps because Q didn't know how to feel right now. Should he be sad that Fukuzawa wasn't willing to offer him the chance at taking the exam? Or should he simply not care?

From growing up sealed inside a dark, lonely room, Q had learned that indifference was the strongest barrier. By simply not caring about anything, he could let every emotion sweep over him – anger, happiness, sadness – and he would not be affected by them at all. He would never feel the pain of loneliness, or failure, or loss.

"Q. The Agency might have to fight a war again, very soon."

"What? Against who?"

"We don't even know." Atsushi's eyes became distant. "All Dazai told me is that we're going to be up against a 'Demon'. But who that Demon is, or what kind of ability the 'Demon' possesses, I don't have any idea. And when the war starts, I might not be able to visit you for a while."

Q pulled himself away from Atsushi's gaze. He stared down at the floor.

"You might be in danger, too. If it comes to it, Q, you should run away. As soon as you feel any sense of danger, run out of this building and go as far away from this city as possible."

"But won't the door be locked?"

"No. I've convinced everyone to leave the door unlocked from now. We trust you enough to allow that – though Dazai's still going to be keeping watch over you where you go."

"You want me to run away?"

"If there's danger, yes."

Even with those sad, distant eyes, Q couldn't help but feel that Atsushi's eyes were beautiful. Looking into them, Q felt drawn towards the kindness deep inside Atsushi's heart. He realized at that moment that Atsushi had been trying so hard to make him feel happy. Atsushi had gone against everybody, quite possibly even his own sense of caution, in order to give Q a chance.

"Are you going to visit me tomorrow?" Q asked.

"Maybe. I won't be able to visit as frequently from now on."

Again, Q looked away. He felt that he couldn't bear to look into those eyes any longer.

Was this what it felt like? To love someone, to have them by his side every day, only to have them become wrenched away by forces beyond their control?

It was a deep, lingering pain that went into the very core of his being. Q felt his heart sinking so much that he almost didn't want to feel anything anymore. Just thinking about the future made him anxious. If it hurt this much, why did he bother feeling anything in the first place? Why did he let himself grow attached to Atsushi?

"Q? You're..."

Atsushi placed his finger on Q's cheek. To Q's surprise, his cheeks were wet.

Tears were flowing out of Q's eyes.

"I..."

Q found that his voice was stuck in his throat.

Atsushi leaned forward and embraced Q in a tight, comforting hug. He hugged Q so tightly that Q couldn't even move. Yet, somehow, Q felt reassured. Somehow, it seemed like all of his pain and worries were disappearing. All his loneliness was slowly going away. The world at the moment was just him and Atsushi.

Slowly, he wrapped his arms around Atsushi and hugged him back.

"Come on, Q. Let's go out and eat again," Atsushi whispered without letting go of Q.

Q's tears wouldn't stop.

He never knew that it could be so comforting to be in the arms of another person.


End file.
